


There is no way to forget your first love

by Anoukori



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Eddie Kaspbrak, Adult Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Adult Losers Club (IT), Adult Richie Tozier, Drama, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, New York City, Romance, Slow Burn, True Love's Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-31 16:31:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21148766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anoukori/pseuds/Anoukori
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak's job is to drive the rich and famous around New York.Coincidentally, Richie Tozier is just in New York to be driven around and although they don't remember each other, they feel the connection between them.And both struggle with their past - Eddie, the mama's boy and Richie, the nerd...and maybe a little more than that.---Based more on the book, but the looks are still basically the movie versions because I watched the movie before I read the book and Bill Hader is Richie now. For me at least.





	1. Drive home

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my first Reddie story and I got this idea while I read the book. I hope you'll enjoy it :)

It was a dark night, a late night and Edward Kasprak usually didn't work at this hour. No, normally he'd be at home, having one of his employee's do this for him, but tonight was different. Not that it was a special kind of different, he was here because he had to be, since two of his employee's had called in sick just two days ago. Now, Eddie was not the type to hold a grudge at someone being sick and he was even less of the type to force sick employees to work, when they all shared the cars. No, Eddie could live with a night shift if that meant their bacteria would stay away from him and his workplace. 

He leaned deeper into the driver's seat and the leather crunched under him a little. Then he took a glance at his watch. 11:53 pm. He was already 3 minutes late. 

When he had annoced to his soon-to-wife that tonight, he'd take over the shift, she had exploded. Not out of anger, but worry. She had grabbed him into a tight embrace, so tight in fact, that he had reached for his asthma-spray. 

_"No, no, no, no! Eddie, no way are you going to work at night, that is why you got the employee's for! New York is dangerous, murderers, thieves, rapists, drug addicts - Eddie, what about me?! I'll be worried sick, I won't be able to sleep all night! You're not going, Eddie! It's to dangerous! "_

After she had finished her rant Eddie was just all to familiar with, he had insisted nonetheless, which was rare, he usually never hold against her, but tonight was special. 

_" It comes with owning a business. There is no way around it. I'm the one responsible for everything. When you drive around celebrities, it's bound to happen that they book you at night. I need to go.", Eddie's voice was not loud but determined, and Myra eventually sighed in defeat, not because she would give up to Eddie, but because she knew how ridiculous her complaints were. There was no way around it. Eddie was the boss, so he was in charge, at least this time. _

_"But make sure to take your bear-spray! And don't forget your inhaler! And lock the doors at all times! And Eddie please.. -" _

"... call me when you're there. Then come home immediately. ", he finished, silently, whispering under his breath with a hint of frustration as he took out his phone to text his soon-to-be wife. He let the cursor on the message field blink a couple of times, not really sure what to write to calm her down. It was his fault for having opened this business. It's not like he liked driving too much, not through New York at least, it wasn't safe, it was quite the opposite and he was the boss of his own company. A mixture of responsibility, dread and risk he really would exchange for anything. The anything in this case, being money and living standart. 

If you had asked him "Do you consider yourself wealthy, Mr. Kaspbrak?", he would have thought for a while before saying. "No..." in a discrete tone. His house was nice, he had bought it for him and Myra when he had proposed to her. Just in case they need more space in the future. They never did and if he was honest, Eddie was glad about that, but that also meant the house was empty. So empty in fact, that he often felt like a single pea rattling in an empty can, Myra being a bean in the same can. It rattled, they occasionally met, but is was dark, dull and cold in the can. And empty. 

And what was wealth anyway? Him buying a house, a car, a 4K TV that more resembled a cinema screen then a home TV? If that was wrath, Eddie sure didn't need it, then again he did. 

The voice was to prominent in his head. _"Look mommie, look at what I have! What little, weak Eddie achieved! An own company, wife, soon-to-be, car, TV - so would you please shut your mouths for once!" _

She never did. Not even now. 

"Hey, oh my God, so sorry, I shit, I... I... are you Mr. Kaspbrak, please tell me you're Mr. K... -" 

The door of the SUV had been ripped open with such a force, that Eddie physically flinched on his seat and almost dropped his phone. He hadn't locked the door. 

" What, why, yes... ", he responded, startled and watched as the man casually slide in the seat next to him and slammed the door shut, as rough as he had opened it. 

"Good...", the man breathed heavily, taking of his glassed to clean them a little. "shut, I'm sorry, I know I'm late. I thought you already went without me." he laughed a little, but his gasps withheld the joke. "Richie Tozier, I was supposed to meet you here at what... 11:50 pm?" 

Eddie looked at his watch. It was 00:02 am. He was consirably late. 

"That's how it is with, you know...radio. You never know when it's gonna end, and next thing you know you do overtime cause...-", he shook his head, brown, messy curls falling on his forehead and slowly catching his breath "Doesn't matter, sorry."

"It's alright, Mr. Tozier. Where can I bring you?" 

"Lotte New York Palace. 455 Madison Avenue.", she said shortly, resint, finally calm, against the leather seat and put his seat belt on. Then Eddie started the car. 

New Yorks streets were never empty, far from it, but it was calmer to drive at night. The lights, advertisements and shops lights were distracting, but beautiful and Eddie quite enjoyed the night's air, though he didn't get much of that in the car. He could always roll down a window. As he reached for the button at the side of the door, he heard the voice in his head 

_Strong winds cause a stiff neck, Eddie. Or a cold, a flu. Your immune system is too weak to survive a flu._

He retreated the hand, back to the steering wheel for some reason. 

"So, Mr. Kaspbrak, what makes you work in the middle of the night. A lot of dept or an expensive girlfriend?" 

The lousy attempt at smalltalk suited Richie Tozier, who was frequently heard in the radio, in his own show which was dedicated fully to his voice-imitation talent. He was the man of a thousand voice and probably a thousand for faces. 

" None of that, Mr. Tozier. It's simply my job. Celebrities are wild, even if their nice. Late night drives are not out of the ordinary." 

Richie chuckled at that. "I dunno if I'd call myself wild." 

Eddie smiled "I dunno if you count as a celebrity." 

Shock spread across his face as he realized what he had said. To a customer. A famous customer. It had felt so natural though. Too natural not say. It had just spilled out of him. 

Richie looked, blinked at him in disbelieve, then started to laugh, wholeheartedly, putting a hand on Eddie should shaking him a little. 

"How dare you, I have my own show!" 

But he continued laughing in a way, that made Eddie feel warm around his chest. It pulled tightly, squeezed his heart together and made it jump in a unfamiliar fashion. It felt like ages since this had happened, at least 20 years ago. 

Eddie smiled softly, his eyes focused on the road in front of him. He liked this man. 

Most celebrities were nicer then the public made them out to be or how they acted on TV, Eddie knew that. Often, they weren't arrogant in the slightest. They knew of their status and they fame and when you got nervous around them, which had happened to Eddie a few times of course, they were incledibly understanding. 

Richie Tozier was different, it felt like. He laughed a gentle, deep laugh, so honest it was almost scary. 

"So...", began Eddie "You're not wild. You're working til midnight. Why?" 

Richie straightens in his seat, pleased with the interest in his persona.

"Had to do an interview with...some guy from TV. You know how they are, you have a talent and they exploit you for it. As if my whole personality was just the voices I can make." and then he said in a Scottish accent "Tho, voice acting is but one of many outlandish talents of Richard Tozier. For example cooking. And...", his eyes fixated Eddie. "...a few other things." 

Eddie didn't know if he found he found the voice funny, but he laughed anyway. Or giggled. 

_(like a school kid) _

Eddie looked at Richie out of the corner of his eye, before he turned his attention back on the road. 

"I can imagine. It's not easy to be famous, is it?" 

Richie sighed, the smile fading into somewhat of an unsure expression. "It's great. People know you, people praise you. Everyone thinks your successful. But...", the smile one his face reappeared as fast as it had faded: "...no buts. I'm blessed. Rock'n'roll and radio turned me into a rockstar, if you know what I mean. I couldn't be more grateful. " 

Eddie wasn't sure. 

"Listen, Kaspbrak... I don't tell people that, so shut up about it if someone ever asks you but... I was a loser. No one expects a funny guy to be a loser, but yeah... In school I was a shitty, fucking loser. With a face that basically begged to be punished. It still does. ", Richie laughed a little" But no one dares to punch it anymore. Because I'm important now. Sometimes, though, I still feel like one. A loser. "

The space between them grew quite and heavy after that. Eddie just focused on the road in front of him, but his face burned a little. It grew hot and his heart beat a little faster. 

"Shit, I dunno why I said that, sorry. Forget it. "

"No, no... I get it.", Eddie carried their conversation on. "I get it. I was a loser too. Still am kinda." 

Richie raised an eyebrow at him. "You own your own business, Mr. Kaspbrak, I doubt-" 

"Eddie.", he stutter a little "It's Eddie. I'm Eddie." 

Richie's eyes grew a little wider, then he smiled again. Softer this time. "Eddie... Nice." 

"And I know I own a business. Does that make me a winner though?" 

The look on his face showed resent, a bitterness that had no business in a young man's face. Eddie was no young man, he didn't feel like it at least. 

"I suppose it depends...", Richie breathed "Why were you a loser?" 

"For having asthma. Being weak and sick and a mama's boy." there was no emotion on Eddie's face, which was good because it hid his real inner storm that had been going on since forever and bad because it seemed like Richie could see right through his facade.

"Ah...and you still are. Living at home, huh, mama's boy?" Richie chuckled, but Eddie didn't. It had Richie's laughter die as well. 

"She's already... you know, passed. I moved out then." 

"Shit, sorry-" 

"Don't mention it. We were close but not on good terms." he let silence linger between them for a few seconds. "Why were you a loser?" 

Richie seemed to think for a bit, contemplating if he should Eddie in this much. He rested his look on Eddie's face again, who was concentration on the road still, but his attention was with Richie.

"I...I was a nerd. Yanno, the whole package, huge, thick glasses, checkered bookcase that looked like from 1840. Comics... And those huge front teeth.", Richie had a way of chuckling at himself that made Eddie's heart jump again. This man was incredible. "Gave me the nickname 'beavertooth', one of the nicer ones they gave me." 

"Imagine you operated them away?" 

"Nope!" he flashed his teeth at Eddie as proof and Eddie took his gaze off the road for the first time. Richie had huge, expressive eyes. Dark, shimmering, smiling. They were filled with a positive aura that Eddie could drown in. He wanted to look at these eyes for longer. 

"I...", then Richie smiled more at himself then at Eddie and Eddie knew that expression just too well. Nostalgia. "Back then...someone told me...", and he imitated a young boys voice "Your smile is so nice, Richie. It always makes me laugh."

The car finally came to a hold after that. Eddie at pulled up at the side of the road in front of the hotel and turned off the engine.

"So, here we are, Richie."

Regret flashed across his face, two fast for himself to noticed but Richie picked it up. One of his many talents.

"There we are. Indeed.", he put his hand the door opener, pressing the passenger door to open, much softer now than as he had entered. "It was nice talking to you. Special. Like I've known you for a long time already."

Eddie nodded., "Yeah, it was nice... Very. You're good company, Richie."

"You know, if, like, I dunno...your shift is over or something, we could... I mean the hotel bar is closed, but the bar in my room is not."

Eddie's eyes widened. Was this guy serious? He had felt it too, the connection between them, just as Richie had said.

_Like I've known you for a long time already. _

Eddie swallowed.

"Maybe next time. It's really late. My...my fiancé is waiting for me to come home."

Richie's eyes showed a expression, that Eddie couldn't make out. Shock? Frustration? Disappointment? None of that maybe. His eyes just shot down to his feet as soon as Eddie had said 'fiancé' and it had Eddie wondering a little.

Although if he had been serious with himself, it didn't wonder him a bit. He'd have had the same reaction if it had been Richie to have a girlfriend. Disappointment. And a little shame too. Why had he said that?

"Yeah, next time then. That's cool, G'night, Eds."

"Hey what's with that?!" Eddie shouted a little but Richie had already closed the car door behind him, walking towards the entrance of his hotel.

He started the engine. Then it dawned on him. 'Wait, I don't have his number...'

His shoulders sank a little, like an invisible weight had been dropped on them. 

Maybe Richie would call him again. His company. And he could drive him again. But then he remembered his expression just now and he was sure, he wouldn't see Richie Tozier again so soon. 

Richie Tozier... 

That name echoed in his head. 

His hand gribbed the car's door. 

_Call me when you're there. Then come home immediately. _

Cold night air hit him, as he pushed open his cars door. 


	2. A night Eddie Kaspbrak would forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not have a beta reader and proof-read everything myself. I apologize for any mistake in advance! Have fun reading! :)

Richie's lungs left a relieved sigh, that he wasn't aware he was holding in when finally the sound of the half-automatic doors behind him came to a halt behind him. Apparently it was so loud, that the young girl at reception gave him an odd look, which Richie returned with an apologetic smile before she turned back to whatever she was doing on her counter. His steps, as he approached the counter, which was sleek black and shiny, clang, though the empty entrance hall on the equally as a clean and shiny, but much lighter marble floor. What a fancy hotel, he thought, what an extravagant colleague he had. Richie would have never thought of booking this kind of location. He fancied nice things for sure, but not for that much money and especially not for only one night. Nonetheless, he was grateful, though the feeling was overshadowed by something much more sinister in his heart.

_What the hell was that, Richie? What the hell..._

His cheeks lit up with embarrassment and shame. _What the hell was that?_ He quite couldn't settle his mind as he thought more about it. Had he really just invited a random stranger up to his hotel room? How very stylish, Tozier and so not shady. Not shady at all. 

His gut twisted.

_I wouldn't say I'm wild..._

Not wild, but a fuckboy, huh? He cringed at himself and what Eddie was probably thinking of him now. Not that he would go back and set things straight _(as if that could happen, ever)_. Not that Eddie had waited for him. They were strangers after all. Complete strangers. So what was that feeling in his chest? He felt like it was going to burst at any moment. It had bursted just seconds ago out of his trashy mouth. _Why did you say that?_

He was ripped out his own head roughly at the awkward cough o the receptionist, who eyed him a little suspiciously and Richie didn't blame her. "Anything I can do for you, sir?"

Richie straightened his back. "Yes, uhm, a friend of mine booked a room here, for tonight. He already said I'd be arriving late, sorry for the inconvenience."

Now the receptionist faked a small smile because it was her job to smile, just like Richie's to play-pretend. They had a lot in common in a way. "Yes, may I have your name please, sir?"

"Richard Tozier."

"Richie Tozier?", she asked astonished. "Man of the thousand voices! Oh my, why didn't I recognize you! I really like your show. I listen to recordings when I'm on a nightshift like this.", her smile turned genuine and Richie reflected er perfectly. 

"Thank you.", he said dryly and she beamed in excitement "While you're here, can you do a voice for me? Maybe the one of...King Charly?" 

Richie leaned onto the counter a little, wriggled with his eyebrows in an awkwardly charming way as the receptionist was already cracking up and trying her best to hide the smile behind one hand. He cleared his throat and then performed, in his best British accent, his own character King Charly, a stuck up, old, English snob. Arrogant and cliche. "My fair lady, there seems to be a problem with my quarters. How can it be that in none of my cupboards I can find a decent cuppa tea? This is ridiculous, what an estate is there that does not own tea! And crumpets! Where is my tea?"

The more he got into it, the more dramatic he became until the receptionist was holding her stomach, crying tears of joy and begging for him to stop. "Please, Mr. Tozier...this is too good!" He smiled. It was indeed soothing for his ego. Like an ego makeout-session. Not quite, but almost. She tried to catch her shaky breath and it took her some time to finally get it together again, then she turned to look for his key, handing it over after she found it quickly. 

"Here you go, Mr. Tozier. Enjoy your stay."

"Thank you very much."King Charly said. She giggled.

"One more thing...would you mind to give me an autograph?"

Richie just nodded his head and she handed him a sheet of paper and a pen from behind the counter. "Who has the pleasure of receiving it?" A fond smile crossed her face. "It's Isabell." "Alright, for Isabell it is.", now Colonel Andrew Roberts was speaking and she noticed immediately, laughing a little harder again. "Thank you so much, Mr. Tozier.

"You're welcome, honey. G'night!", Colonel Andrew Roberts wished farewell as she again giggled behind the counter. Richie went for the elevators. 

_Ping. _The elevator shut and he finally breathed again. The small, compressed elevator chamber was exactly what he needed now. Solitude. Time to sulk. No sound but the soft _wrrr_ of the elevator taking him to the 4th floor. His eyes had a hard time adapting to the flood of cold, blushing light that enveloped the small room, but for now, at least he was alone. With his thoughts of course, which would never leave him alone. He leaned against the back of the elevator, which happened to a mirror. 

_Lucky I don't have to see my face. _He slapped himself mentally. What an idiotic thought. Then he closed his eyes, trying to think of something else. He quickly found something. 

His brown, almost black hair framed the soft beige of his skin, making him look paler and possibly sicker than he really was if he was at all. But it gave away the red tint on his cheeks. His hairline was receding, giving away his age, but it was so light that you almost didn't notice it. he wrinkles between his eyebrows were already permanent from frowning so much and Richie found himself smiling. He concentrated more on his face. Those big expressive eyes stared at him in awe, he almost looked like a bunny this way, innocent and pure and to be protected. The dark eyes looked at him, two black wholes full of warmth starring right into his heart. 

_"Richie..."_

The pink lips mumbled in his mind, they were thin, but soft-looking. He concentrated more. 

_"Richie...please..."_

He concentrated, his conscience screaming at him to stop. He didn't listen. 

_"Richie... I love you..."_

Richie snapped his eyes open at the _ping _of the elevator reaching its destiny. 4th floor. His cheeks flooded with shame. He would be touching himself tonight. A gag made it's way up to his throat but never came. He'd be touching himself thinking of that stranger, Eddie and Eddie would be home, his fiance cuddling close to him and Richie would be here, alone, thinking of that cute face. _Gross. Gross. You're a pervert, such a pervert. Pervert. Disgusting._ The voice of Colonel Andrew Roberts screamed in his head. 

_Cute Eddie... He was so cute. Disgustingly cute. _

Richie unlocked the door to his room. It fell shut behind him, heavy into the lock. He needed a drink.

The mini bar had little to offer, but a bottle of wine. It had to do for tonight. He'd drink his shame away, masturbating. The alcohol wouldn't have worn off at that point and still be in effect when he'd shower off the feeling of utter disgrace. When he'd step out, the rest of the alcohol would make him sleepy, swaying him t sleep like loving mother. In the morning he'd have only the memory of it, but he would throw it out. Ignore it, until the next time. Then he would think back to tonight, to his shameful act and to Eddie._ Eddie's cute face. _

The bottle was half empty quicker than Richie would have liked, but it had to be enough. He still had some way to go, but his pants were off already. So was his shirt and the curtains were closed. He sat on the mellow bed, still perfectly made, but he'd change that soon. another sip of wine made it's way down his throat, covering it a wet, slimy feeling, tingling on his tongue bitterly. Wine was to fine fo him, too high-class. And if it wasn't it was too cheap, but right now that didn't matter. What mattered was the alcohol slowly numbing his senses and his conscience all the same, until it was completely silent after a few more simps. It wouldn't hold on too long so he had to hurry. Getting his animalistic desires out of the way, showering, trying not to fall in the shower, then bed. Sounds good. That was the plan.

It was pitch-black in his room as he had shut all lights out, as he was half-way down his boxers, feeling his penis already half-hard in his hand. _Eddie's cute face._ It got a little harder. _Eddie's soft voice. _He pumped a little faster. _"Richie..." _

"Eddie...", he moaned, laying down on his bed, enveloped by the silky fabric of the covers.

A heavy knock on the door made him jump out his skin and though he inebriated, standing up wobbly on his feet and patting towards the door with insecure steps, he could feel panic shoot through his body. On his way, he grabbed the shirt he had removed early, trying to hide his erection by concealing it with his tight boxers and hiding the rest under his long shirt. It was risky, but he wasn't planning on keeping the person, whoever had knocked, company for long. He had a business to take care of. 

He opened the door. a groggy and fake-sleepy "Yeah...?", left his throat.

"The receptionist told me your room number.", a shorter man with dark hair said, looking away from Richie, who leaned forward against the doorframe, instinctively trying to hide his reaction. His eyes widened and his mind sobered up. "Eddie... What..."_Cute. _His pants switched a little. _Pervert. Don't see, please for the love of God don't see it. _Richie tensed a little, trying to act natural. It worked. Eddie didn't pick up on his behaviour, at least, not as far as Richie could tell. "Why are you here...?" Eddie fumbled a little his the sleeves of his shirt like a schoolkid confessing his love for the first time."I...", he stammered, a dark blush crossing his face. "I realized I don't have your number and if we want to do that another time... You know..." "Oh...", Richie breathed. "You know, that's actually a thing people say to, you know, get rid of people when they don't intend of ever seeing each other again." _Go away. _"Oh...", Eddie responded, poorly mimicking Richie's tone. But it was so adorable how he attempted. Richie flushed red, the alcohol running through his veins. "Well, I didn't mean it like that. I was being serious. It's just that...". "You're wife is waiting.", Richie finished, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice. Eddie's face snapped up at him as if to scream NO, but there was just silence between them.

Richie sighed. "Well, c'mon in then, Eds. I'll see if I can find my phone." The door opened wider for Eddie and he passed him or rather pressed past him. Richie's reaction was immediate. He smelled good, so good, like shampoo and men's aftershave. Annoying to the nostrils, but somehow hot. Richie tried to hide it. "Don't call me that...", Eddie said smiling a little.

"What? Eds?"

"Yes, Don't call me that." he was still smiling, clearly showing he didn't mean what he was saying. 

"Too late, Eds.", then he laughed when a pillow hid him in the back. Then he spun around. Eddie was sitting on the bed, his suit jacket next to him and loosening his tie. He sat in imprint Richie had left. _He sits where I jerked off. _A shameful gag came out this time, making eddy look at him weirdly. "Are you okay?" "I'm perfect.", he said, a fake laugh accompanying it. His erection grew harder again._ Eddie sits where I jerked off._ He quickly grabbed his phone frhom his jacket, that hung on a hallstand in the entrance area.

"So...My number...", he began awkwardly, fiddling to pull his shirt down a little more. Then, when his eyes met with Eddie's it dawned on him. The look of sheer surprise on Eddie's face, mixed with tinted red cheeks and a half-opened mouth that suddenly expressed, in utter disbelief. "Have you been ---?!", the word wouldn't leave his lips, of course, it wouldn't. 

Richie's face grew red, redder then it had ever been before. His cheeks felt like they were on fire, his whole body felt like it was on fire. Burning. He was burning alive. He expected everything. Eddie waling straight out the door, yelling at him, voicing his disgust - but not a laugh. The smaller man on the bed started to laugh, holding his stomach and laughing in the most angelic way Richie had ever heard until tears sprung his eyes. Richie was too dumbfounded to actually say anything.

Then Eddie blushed a similar shade of red, but still smiling "Oh my god, you should have said something! I'm sorry for intruding!", but his voice broke back into laughter wit the last few words, so much so, that Richie now two was cracking a smile, huffing a few less energetic laughs. Eddie was right. What a hilariously awkward situation. 

Suddenly Eddie jumped up. "Don't tell me I'm sitting on your cum!! Gross!!" and this blunt choice of words made both of them blush a little more. "No... I", Richie coughed, then chuckled "I wasn't that far yet. Don't worry."

Eddie calmed and sat back down, patting the space beside him in an inviting manner. "The slow type, huh?" Richie hesitantly sat down, still hiding his now finally dying down erection. "Fuck off...", both had to laugh at that.

Then there was silence, but comfortable one for the first time. Their shoulder touched a little, enough for Richie to pick up on, but he doubted Eddie paid as much attention to it. "Is the great and famous Richie Tozier so alone he can't even find himself a date?", Eddie teased. Richie shrugged "I could, but...", the tone shifted again into a serious one, with Richie taring at his feet. Shame. That's all there was. "I'm not the type for that. One night stands, I mean. It doesn't mean anything to me."

His shoulder hung low, as a shaky breath left him. Eddie leaned against him."I know what you mean...", then he turned to look into the expressive eyes that hid behind thick glasses. "Richie Tozier...", he spoke slow, focusing on each letter, letting the words roll of his tongue gently as he said the name of the man sitting beside him. It felt so natural, so whole. _Richie Tozier._ It echoed again. Richie raised his eyebrows: "Si?" Eddie shook his head. "Why does it feel so familiar?" He shoved his glasses up the bridge of his nose, thinking. "I don't know, but...it does, am I right?" He reached for the hand of the smaller man, who without hesitation answered the touch with a light squeeze, entangling their fingers. "You're so warm..." Richie huffed: "Yeah, I had a bottle of wine before." Apparently that made Eddie less than happy, yet he didn't pull his hand away."Way to go, Rich... Drinking on a weekday."

"It's to wash the shame away.", he admitted silently and Eddie's eyes grew wide in realisation. "You feel ashamed from jerking off? I mean, I think everyone does once they're done, but...I don't know anyone who needs alcohol for compensation." They sat again in silence, Eddie staring a little bit into space while Richie's shoulders hung low, looking like a puppy that lost its owner, full of guilt and loneliness. There were no tears yet, but it was to come, Richie could feel it. 

"It not because I jerk off, it's because what I think of when...-", he stopped himself. _Too much, much too much information, Richie._

Eddie's voice sounded dry, emotionless and Richie wondered why, until he noticed, it simply sounded objective and rational, intentionally having all emotions leaving it and Richie hoped, it was to comfort him and not hurt his feelings. "What did you think of...?"

Long silence...but hands still frapped together, even tighter now, Richie noted.

"You."

Eddie's eyes grew wide, like two black holes growing and growing, sucking everything in they could absorb. His hand grew tighter around Richie's and his breath speed up until he eventually had to let go of Richie's hand to fumble with his jacket, Richie watched him cautiously, expecting him to take his jacket and leave. _You could have lied. Thought of you mom. Why didn't you lie?_ To his surprise though, Eddie only grabbed his inhalator, too two deep breaths and then threw it aside, facing him directly. Richie wasn't ready for this, he certainly wasn't, but he kept the eye contact. Eddie's eyes were just too dark and full and desperately clinging to him, there was no way to free himself from that pleading gaze. This was his entire universe, for now. The depths of Eddie's eyes was ineffable. Richie couldn't decide if that were the eyes of a demon tempting him, or those of an angel, gracing him with the deepest love he had ever felt blooming in his chest. He settled on an angel. How else could it be?

Richie's hand landed on Eddies's cheek. It was soft and squishy and he circled his thumb on it a few times before initially bringing his face closer to his own. Eddie closed his eyes, his mouth and his pink, thin lips were slightly agape. The medical smell of toothpaste found Richie's nostrils, tickled them, as Eddi's breath fell lowly against Richie's cheeks. He nuzzled it, gently rubbing his nose and ever so slightly his mouth along Richie's. First, their lips touched briefly, similar to a butterflies wings would flutter in the wind. Richie tasted Eddie for a brief split second before he moved in stronger, pressing his lips with a strange, strong affection he had never felt before against the other man's. _So soft. _And Eddie's lips parted for him, leaving him flustered and ready to slip his tongue pass through Eddie's teeth, deepening their kiss. Both huffed and panted a little, as they grew more intense, parting just to catch small moments of air, then tying their tongues together again. Never had Richie felt such an ecstasy from just a kiss...or maybe he had?

It was Eddie in the end who parted them after a good amount of time, that flew by as merely seconds for Richie. Eddie kept his hands, which had moved up during the kiss, on Richie's cheeks, pressing them together a bit. He took some time to catch his breath and to form his muddled thoughts into words. "Wow... ", was all he could manage. Richie nodded in response, turning his face to give Eddie's palm a small peck. 

"Incredible...", he added to Eddie's thought and it was the smaller man's turn to nod. "So...", Richie cooed, snuggling his face into Eddie's cheek, leaving elusive kisses here and there. Eddie clearly enjoyed the affection he was receiving, as his hands combed through Richie's messy hair. "Wanna stay the night...?"

Eddie smiled. "I can't my mom will-", he froze, then corrected himself "My fiance will freak out of I don't come home."

"Text her." Richie felt his stomach sink "Tell her you're staying with me."

Eddie sighed, guiding Richie too look at him again. "I wish I could...", his voice was full of the sweetest affection and his pained gaze revealed nothing but regret. "You understand that, right, Rich?"

He didn't, but he also didn't want to make a scene. "Yeah..." 

Eddie smiled, tenderly kissing the tip of Richie's nose. "Give me your number, idiot. I'll call you tomorrow." Richie did as he was asked. He watched him type his name and number into his phone. _Richie. Just Richie. _He was fighting with the thought of Eddie leaving him now, but he had to accept it. He continued to watch as Eddie fixed his tie around the tender neck of his and threw over his jacket. It suited his eye colour and gave his slender frame the impression of wider shoulders. When Eddie stood up, he finally snapped out of his mesmerized stupor and grabbed his wrist. Eddie looked back down, guilt written in his expression. 

"Eddie...", he gasped a bit, there was the warm outburst, that happened during the kiss as well, coming back. _I love you. _How can you love someone you only just met? But that's not what it felt like, quite the opposite actually. "Eddie I don't want to sleep alone..."

There was it. There was what Richie had been looking for without even knowing. Right on Eddie's face, like a tattoo, so blank written on it. Nostalgia.

_I don't what to sleep alone._

It was enough to make Eddie soften, his arms wrapping tightly around Richie's frame. Tears started to sping from his eyes, he didn't know why they just started to fall from his cheeks. Eddie's shoulders went up and down, following the pattern of his shaky breath. He was crying too. Without a second thought, Richie laid back, pulling Eddie down with him, letting him rest on his chest while he sobbed silently. Richie cried without making a sound, just soothingly patted Eddie's back, who suddenly buried into Richie's side. He was warm and Richie felt the need to wrap his arms around him, protect him.

It was only after a few more minutes that Eddie decided to leave Richie's embrace, who pouted, but let it happen. The cold was enveloping him again, but Eddie's smile managed to drown every discomfort in Richie's body. "You stay there. I'm gonna make a call."

\---

Myra, of course, had been outraged as her soon-to-be husband called to say he'd stay over at a friends place. _"Friend? What friend?! You're coming home this instant, Edward Kaspbrak, I won't have it!"_ But Eddie had managed to convince her, that it was far safer to stay the night at an old friend from college than to drive home in the dark and tired as he was. She permitted it reluctantly, but he had to home by at least 9 am. He could live with that.

right now, he was thinking of different things. Like how warm and strong Richie's chest was against his back. How warm he was, how smooth the naked abdomen against his own naked back was. How Richie's arm was draped over his shoulder, playing with his hair and occasionally drawing funny lines over his cheek, then the defined collarbone, then his chest and upper arm, until it stopped at his lower arm to hold his hand for a while. Neither of them slept, they just enjoyed each other's presence pressed against the other under the warm covers of Richie's hotel bed. 

A kiss was placed onto Eddie's temple. Richie's lips trailed his skin all the way to his ear where he whispered an ever so gentle "I love you, Eddie..."

_"I love you, Eddie..."_

"I love you too, Richie...", he whispered with a faint blush on his cheeks as he planted an equally tender kiss on Richie's hand.

Whatever that feeling was that both were so painfully aware of right now, it was a good feeling. Never before had Eddie loved someone so deeply, and by the look on Richie's face, who placed his lips onto Eddie's shoulder, he felt the same. But how? He had the feeling in the care the first time today when he saw Richie's expressive eyes rest onto him and it grew and grew, but over one evening?

He apparently frowned because Richie cooed a gentle "What's wrong, love?", into his ear. Eddie shook his head. "Don't mind it... I'm tired..." Richie smiled. "Well...", he lifted his arm and the blanket a little "Plenty of warm cuddle space here." A goofy grin adorned his face. Eddie snorted. "Sap.", but he buried his face between Richie's chest muscles. 

Richie sighed in content, wrapping his arms around the smaller man, once again pulling him close. "Goodnight, Eddie..." _Love of my life. What weird thought._

Eddie snuggled his head a little more before he eventually settled, his breath growing calmer."Goodnight, Richie...", his voice was sleepy and his eyes, just as Richie's soon fell shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Actually I didn't intend to write further chapters, but while I wrote this I got a little creative and maybe (just maybe) I'll come up with another chapter or two :)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, (especially the fluff at the end) and I wish you all a good night! (I finished this at 1 am)


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